"Why can't I just get it together?" Understanding the Freeze Response

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 "Why can't I just get it together?" This is the question that echoed through my mind for years while I sat paralyzed on the sofa, staring at a mounting pile of laundry and a blinking cursor on my computer screen. "Why do I feel paralyzed when I have so much to do?" I would whisper to the empty room, feeling the crushing weight of self-judgment. If you have ever felt this way, I want you to know it is not just you. That heavy, leaden feeling in your limbs isn't a character flaw or a sign of laziness; it is a sophisticated biological maneuver known as the freeze response.

In this edition of the Not Just Me project, we are going to dismantle the narrative that being "stuck" is a moral failure. When we navigate anxiety and depression, our internal survival systems can become overactive, leading us into a state of shutdown. By understanding the mechanics of the freeze response, we can begin the journey of finding ourselves beyond the paralysis. This is about more than just "productivity"; it is about reclaiming your personal narrative and moving from a place of harsh self-criticism to a place of profound somatic compassion and nervous system support.


Understanding the freeze response as a protective cocoon in the Soojz Project.
Sometimes, the only way to survive the storm is to build a shelter within yourself.



This space at Not Just Me is dedicated to exploring how we move beyond the isolation of these conditions. This post explores how we can bridge that gap through integration and Mind Body Wellness.


The Biological Architecture of the Freeze Response

When we discuss trauma and stress, we often focus on "Fight or Flight." However, when a threat feels inescapable or overwhelming, the mammalian brain activates a third, more primitive option: the freeze response. This is managed by the dorsal vagal branch of the autonomic nervous system. Think of it as a biological circuit breaker. When the "electrical load" of your life—the anxiety, the deadlines, the emotional triggers—becomes too high, the breaker trips to prevent a total system fire.

The freeze response essentially puts your body into a state of metabolic conservation. Your heart rate slows, your breathing becomes shallow, and a sense of mental "fogginess" descends. From the outside, it looks like you are doing nothing. From the inside, your nervous system is working overtime to protect you from a perceived threat. I spent a long time believing I was "unreliable," but the reality was that my body was simply trying to survive a world that felt unsafe. Understanding this shift from a psychological problem to a biological reality is the first step in the Not Just Me healing journey.



This is the work we explore at Not Just Me – The Soojz Project—where anxiety, depression, and self-esteem are understood as shared human experiences, not personal failures. Through mind–body awareness and nervous system regulation, we learn that healing doesn’t require perfection.


Why the Freeze Response Feels Like Paralysis

Many of us ask, "Why do I feel paralyzed?" when we are actually in the middle of a high-functioning life. The freeze response doesn't always look like staying in bed all day; sometimes it looks like "functional freeze," where you go through the motions of life but feel completely numb and disconnected inside. This paralysis occurs because your brain has decided that movement is a risk. In the wild, an animal that stays still is often less likely to be noticed by a predator.

Your modern brain hasn't quite caught up to the fact that a "predator" is now an email from your boss or a memory of past abuse. Consequently, the freeze response stays active long after the immediate stressor has passed. This leads to the "paralysis" we feel—a physical inability to initiate tasks, even when we want to. We are not "getting it together" because our nervous system is still holding its breath, waiting for the danger to pass. Recognizing that this is a systemic reaction, rather than a personal choice, is essential for anyone looking for themselves beyond anxiety and depression.


The Poison of Self-Judgment in Recovery

One of the most damaging aspects of being stuck in the freeze response is the internal dialogue it creates. We become our own harshest critics, using shame as a tool to try and "motivate" ourselves. I used to tell myself that I was "lazy" or "worthless" because I couldn't finish simple tasks. But here is the catch: to a dysregulated nervous system, shame is perceived as an additional threat.

When you judge yourself for being frozen, you are essentially adding more weight to the "electrical load" that tripped the circuit breaker in the first place. Self-judgment keeps the freeze response locked in place. In the Soojz Project, we emphasize that you cannot shame yourself into a state of regulation. You have to feel safe to move. Replacing the question "What is wrong with me?" with "How is my body trying to protect me?" is the core of the Not Just Me philosophy.


Recovering Me: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
https://recoveringmeproject.blogspot.com/


Not Just Me : Finding Myself Beyond Anxiety and Depression
https://notjustmeproject.blogspot.com/


Finding Myself Beyond Anxiety and Depression

To move beyond the labels of a diagnosis, we have to look at the person underneath the symptoms. When I was deeply stuck in the freeze response, I felt like my identity was disappearing. I was no longer an artist, a friend, or a professional; I was just a "depressed person." But the Not Just Me series is about realizing that your identity is not the fog—you are the traveler within it.

Finding myself again meant acknowledging that the freeze response was a shield I had built to survive. Once I stopped fighting the shield, I could begin to peek out from behind it. This is where nervous system support comes in. By using somatic tools, we can tell the body that the "winter" is over and it is safe to thaw. You are not your paralysis. You are the resilient soul that has survived the freeze, and there is a vibrant life waiting for you once the ice begins to melt.


The Power of Somatic Compassion

Compassion is not just a feeling; it is a physiological signal of safety. When we apply compassion to our freeze response, we are essentially whispering to our dorsal vagal nerve that it can let go. This isn't about "excusing" our behavior; it's about providing the necessary conditions for change.

I started practicing what I call "Micro-Compassion." If I couldn't get out of bed, I would thank my body for keeping me safe for another hour. This sounds counterintuitive, but it lowered my cortisol levels just enough to eventually allow for movement. The freeze response thrives on the coldness of judgment; it melts under the warmth of self-kindness. This is how we begin to reclaim our narrative—by becoming the sovereign, compassionate witness to our own struggle.

👉 Visit daily affirmations on Soojz | The Mind Studio


Thawing the Freeze: Somatic Steps for Support

So, how do we practically move out of the freeze response? In the Soojz Project, we focus on "bottom-up" regulation. This means we talk to the body before we try to fix the mind. If you feel paralyzed today, do not try to solve your whole life. Instead, focus on these tiny somatic shifts:

  1. Acknowledge the Shield: Say out loud, "I am in a freeze response, and my body is trying to protect me." This reduces the threat of self-judgment.

  2. Gentle Sight-Naming: Look around the room and name five things that are a warm color. This helps orient your nervous system to the present moment.

  3. Temperature Change: Splash cold water on your face or hold a warm cup of tea. Sensory input is a direct line to the nervous system and can help break the "numbness" of the freeze response.

  4. Micro-Movements: Wiggle only your pinky finger or your toes. Proving to your brain that you can move, even in the smallest way, can begin to trip the circuit breaker back to "on."


"If silence is the blueprint for growth, then this music is the air that fills the room. Quiet Peace : Back to Me was born from the realization that I am my own safe haven." 


 

Conclusion: You Are Not Your Paralysis

The journey of the Soojz Project is about moving from survival to self-sovereignty. The freeze response is a part of your history, but it does not have to be your future. As you learn to navigate your nervous system with compassion, you will find that the question "Why can't I just get it together?" slowly fades away, replaced by a much kinder realization: "I am doing my best with a system that was built to protect me."

You are not just you in this struggle. We are all learning to thaw. By honoring the wisdom of your body and seeking the right nervous system support, you can step out of the fog and back into the light of your own life. You have reclaimed your narrative. You are the author now, and the next chapter is yours to write.

3 Key Takeaways

  1. Freeze is a survival maneuver: It is a biological circuit breaker, not a personal flaw.

  2. Shame fuels the fire: Judging yourself for being paralyzed only keeps you stuck longer.

  3. Thawing takes time: Use somatic micro-movements and compassion to gently tell your system it is safe to move again.


Are you tired of defending your character? Learn why toxic people create a "fictional version" of you and how to finally stop editing their script. I wrote a guide on how to survive the "integration zone" of healing. Read it here: https://recoveringmeproject.blogspot.com/

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